dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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