I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
