Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
