your room smells of hookers.
And success
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
