so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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