i can't believe i had my finger in that
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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