super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
