Plan B is the new Plan A
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PANTIES FOUND
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
