I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
