It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize