We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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