Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
