Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize