You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
