My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
