U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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