I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
