She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
