"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wow bdsm is so cute
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
