Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize