I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
