***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
