There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
