I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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