just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
