then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
