remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
