Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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