WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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