The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
