and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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