Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
be right there i have to get my cape
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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