is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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