is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
