Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
