ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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