thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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