Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
