I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
