im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
