CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
