His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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