I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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