he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
