When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
