At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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