hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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