I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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