There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
