he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
