He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
