A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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