oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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