one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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