I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
