i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize