That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
