Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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