It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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