Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize