Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
