Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
