Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize