I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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