My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
