My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
