Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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